10 things to know about marriage BEFORE you get married (Part 2)
**NOTE** While this is intended for unmarried Christian men - I think those of us who are married currently will also benefit from this refresher. Hopefully, it will help married men as well and encourage you to consider some areas where maybe you've dropped the ball and need to re-engage in the fight for your marriage again.
In part 1 of these series, we looked at 5 things that Christian men would benefit from by knowing about marriage BEFORE they said, "I do!".
Today, we're going to look at 5 more ideas that can help save you some trouble and help you plan for and prepare for your sacred vows.
(Click here if you missed #1-#5 in Part 1)
5 More Things You Should Know About Marriage
6. Sometimes it will be harder than you think. But don’t ever give up or give yourself an out!
Let's just be brutally honest here. Marriage is amazing! But...
Marriage can be really tough, too. In fact, it may be harder than you ever imagined. Let's face it, when you date you are putting on your best performance. They get the best of you and its easier to overlook stuff during this phase. But when you start living together and have no separation from one another and then disagreement happens or life happens and things get hard - it can be no fun!
Here's the big piece of advice for you: Never - and I mean NEVER - give yourself an out! Don't mention divorce, don't say the word, don't even think about it. Cowards bail out but not men of God. Stay committed to making it work - even when it gets hard.
7. The baggage you bring with you affects your marriage more than you think.
Do you want to have a great marriage? Here's something you need to know: the baggage that you and your wife bring to your marriage is going to affect you at some point.
Maybe you've screwed up royally and done everything wrong before you got married. There is forgiveness in Jesus' name. Those sins are covered and gone. But....the consequences may still linger.
Just know that addictions to pornography will follow you. So will anger issues, control issues, poor communication issues, etc. This "baggage" you bring (and she'll bring some too) will affect you. So start working on your relationship with Christ today and get as healthy and strong as you can be. We all need it and in Christ, you'll make it through any obstacles along the way.
8. The goal of Christian marriage is not to make you happy.
If the goal of marriage isn't to make you happy, then what is it? What's the target?
Marriage is designed to help shape you and conform you more and more into the image of Christ. Your spouse is a gift from God. Not for your pleasure (though that should be true too) but for your purification. Trust me, marriage will purify you in great and holy ways.
You will marry (in most cases) an opposite. Someone who isn't like you in many ways. This will be a tool that God will use to help complement you and build on areas that need work. Take this for what it is - a gift! This is meant for your good and as a blessing. It won't always feel that way, but God uses marriage in mysterious ways to prepare you for eternity. He cares about you a lot. But don't confuse your happiness with his goal for your holiness.
9. Figure out how to talk about money.
My 9-5 job is as a financial advisor. I talk about money a lot with people and I can tell you first hand, that most couples do not talk about money and most do not know how to to do it.
Here's how you can change that:
Review your finances as a team each month. Talk about where you're at, what needs and obligations or wants are coming up and make decisions together. Remember men, you're the head of the house but that doesn't make you "in charge". It's servant leadership and you must treat money as such.
Give and practice generosity early in your marriage. It is easy to have no money early on and give almost nothing too. You may think, "It's not much of a tithe, it won't matter if I give this or not." But that's not true. God isn't concerned with the amount. He's concerned with your heart and money is a good litmus test of trust in God and thankfulness to him. Practice generously giving to your church and people in need. Do it early on and make it a part of your family legacy.
Save early without fail, spend within your means and then keep it in check as you make more over time. Do this, and you'll have protection for the rainy days and emergencies and you'll protect yourself from greed and the false idea that God gives you more for your own consumption.
10. Sex and intimacy gets better with time (not worse).
Sex is awesome. Let's be honest! But one of the best surprises of marriage may be that sex only gets better with time if you work hard at keeping your marriage fun, a priority, and you and your wife work hard to serve one another. If you center your marriage around Christ and those things, your sex life will flourish and get better.
Which is already pretty amazing early on! But be encouraged, dear friend - it can get better and will be blessed if you treat her like your friend and make God #1.
