Why Men Need Other Men: 3 Truths About Joining A Community
As a Christian man, what are you dreams and what are the big goals that you have for your life?
If you're not sure, just do this:
Imagine a future where your life was radically impacted and changed for the better.
Think about a future where your life had a profound impact on other people's lives - but other men's lives, in particular.
Imagine what it would be like if you walked through life with people that truly cared for and were there for you when the storms arrived and threatened to take you out.
Think about a life where you got help and support in the areas of your life that you need it the most. A life where you didn't feel alone in this big, confusing journey.
Imagine a life where you found helpful new ideas and continually learned new ways to grow and become the kind of man you’ve always wanted to be - where you started to become the man that God made you to be.
Sounds pretty good, right?
This is all possible. But there's just one catch...
You can't reach these goals all alone. It's only possible within a Christian community of like-minded men.
How to think through your future
If you're not sure what your goals and dreams are then start here. This simple process can provide a lot of clarity and vision for you. In fact, this is an easy way to bring clarity to any situation where you're not sure what to aim for.
Start with brainstorming ideas that you think your big goals and dreams are. Just write down as much as you can think of. I suggest setting a timer for 2-3 minutes and just write down any and everything you can think of during that time. After that, simply narrow down your list to the best 3-5 things that match your truest desires and wishes.
Next, think through this question in regards to those 3-5 items: What can I do to help increase the odds of reaching those goals? Again, set a timer and write down whatever comes to mind. Still need more help? Phone a friend or ask the men in your community for help and advice. Find someone who has done what you want to do and ask them for their opinions (everyone loves to give their opinions and they won't be offended when you ask!).
Next, think about the obstacles that are in the way or could potentially get in the way of you reaching your goals. By simply acknowledging and looking ahead for your trouble, you will psychologically position yourself better because you'll be less likely to be tripped up when the obstacles come. Instead, you'll anticipate them and find creative ways to work through them or avoid them all together. Making the path to your dreams more likely.
This simple process can help you see your future and increase the probabilities of successfully finding your way there.
But with that as a backdrop, let's turn our attention to the true power to become the man God meant you to be and to reach those dreams and goals that matter most.
3 Truths About Community
One of the first things to understand is that you were made for community! God did not design you for a lone ranger lifestyle. You and I were made with the need for meaningful relationships. This does not look the same for all of us and we are all uniquely different in what constitutes "community". However, there's a reason that the worst form of punishment you can give someone in prison (which is punishment in and of itself) is to put a man in solitary confinement. This is what breaks a man and breaks a heart more than anything else.
Sadly, many men subject themself to a lifetime of this without ever being forced to by the law.
Here are the 3 truths that should convince you to reject confinement and embrace community for your own good and for the good of others.
#1. Community is the single best way for Christian men to navigate change.
Death, taxes, and nothing stays the same. These are three things you can count on in this life! And since things never stay the same and is always changing, we ought to get as much help as we can to navigate those circumstances when they arrive.
For example, change comes in many forms in a man's life.
Death of loved ones, disease, parenting (and its many changing seasons), marriage, divorce and re-marriage, college to career, etc.
Why would anyone try to navigate those very big and very heavy situations alone. In our mind, its crazy to do so and its why so many men are struggling their way their life. We're surrounded by people, yet connected to so few. It's why a community of like-minded men can make such a big difference when you're going through changes in life.
Don't try to do this alone. Join a community of Christian men where you can find help, encouragement, advice, and strength from men who care for you and are there to help you out.
#2. Community is the single best way to create new habits.
Do you have big goals and dreams? In all likelihood, you're going to need to change some habits too.
It could be learning to spend money different, or communicate better, or wake up earlier and exercise. But no matter what new habits you need to learn, they will be much harder without the help and encouragement of others.
Think about the CrossFit community, for example. What's its secret? Why has the extremely difficult training become so popular? In short, it is built around community.
These clubs and groups are known for building a brand and giving men (and women) an identity. But they don't come into it as healthy, excersiing fitness freaks (most of the time). But through the power of community, they become that over time if they stick with it.
This is the power of social momentum. The power of a community comes from a group of people all pushing in the same direction. It's so much easier to change and create new habits and lifestyles when everyone else is doing the same.
Obviously, this is true from both a positive and negative perspective. For example, if you're out drinking and partying and sleeping around and these are the people you're doing life with, then you'll find that your "community" will take you to dark places and you'll end up far from your original goals and dreams as a Christian man. So choose your community wisely.
But if you're serious about becoming the man God had in mind when he made you - then joining a community of Christian men may be the best decision of your life.
#3. Community is the single best way to achieve lasting change.
In her book, Grit (which I highly recommend and you can click on the link to read more or purchase), Angela Duckworth says this, "Enthusiasm is common; Endurance is rare." She's so right!
When we look ahead to our future self and our future hopes and dreams, we know that we don't just need inspiration for a short-term change, but a lasting, permanent change. To do this, we need other Christian men in our lives.
The only way that we will reach our fullest potential in Christ is to engage our lives in a community of men who are on the same path and mission as us.
Our goal is to be better men and to live better lives. How is this possible? By surrounding ourselves with men who can help us, inspire us, encourage us, push us, rebuke us, and help guide us where we want to go.
The truth of the matter is this: you simply can't get where you really want to go or achieve lasting change without other men in your corner. Do you want to reach your goals and along the way be a changed man with new and better habits along the way? Do you want to see lasting change in your life? If so, then what you need is a community of men that you can join up with and do life with. Find one that is on the same mission as you are and commit to it. This is the path to your preferred future and the path to a life of great purpose and meaning.
Want to hear more of this conversation? Click here to listen to podcast episode #16 now!
