3 things you Have to Have to Have a GREAT FAMILY!
First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes baby in the baby carriage!
We all know the jingle but we don't always know what to do once the baby carriage shows up. As Christian men, we just know that we want to have a great family. We know it won't be easy...but we know it will be worth it in the end!
So how do we get there? What do we have to have in order to have a great family?
3 things come to mind: Alignment, Guardrails, and Letting Go.
3 Things You Have to Have
#1. Have Alignment
Leadership and maximum impact starts at the top with you and if you and your wife aren't in alignment about what matters most - it definitely won't reach the ears or hearts of those following in your footsteps.
We all know what it's like when a car is out of alignment. Tires erode quickly and the car just doesn't drive like it's supposed to. The same is true with your home. If you want your family to operate at the highest level possible, you and your wife must be aligned.
Ask yourselves and spend time in prayer and discussion together around these questions:
What are our core values?
What matters most when it's all said and done and the kids are out of the house?
What's our #1, biggest long-term goal for our family and kids?
#2. Have Guardrails
Imagine that you are driving in the mountains along a winding road and just to your right is a steep cliff. One bad move and you and your family would be dead. That is, IF there wasn't a guardrail there to keep you from trouble.
All great families protect themselves with guardrails of various kinds.
Guardrails for their devices such as Covenant Eyes or Bark.
Guardrails for their marriage such as rules on not being alone with someone of the opposite sex and making sure to date regularly.
Guardrails for your faith to devote to daily Scripture reading, prayer, and memorizing God's Word.
In each of these examples (and there are many others we could use), these are protective guardrails to provide freedom and flexibility while also providing a barrier between something that could be catastrophic. The ultimate goal is not to be restrictive, but to provide true freedom to live within the boundaries that God has established to make a safe and loving home for all members.
Consider:
What guardrails do we need to provide for our home?
How can we communicate WHY they are so important and what's at stake if we don't?
3. Have to Let Go
If you want to have a great family life and create an environment that you, your wife, and your children thrive in - then its important that you learn to let go of stuff that doesn't matter.
For example, too many of us men get worked up about little things and then we nag everyone to death about it. When we are constantly bossing people around, being grouchy, or trying to control things we can't control we make life miserable for ourselves and everyone around us.
Once you've determined what matters most and what is core to you and your family, its now time to make a big deal about big things and let little things be left alone to the best of your ability.
What if your kids don't clean the house the way you prefer it? Let it go.
What if your wife doesn't give you the words or attention that you wish she would? Let it go.
What if your kids make mistakes and they don't seem to learn as quickly as you think they should? Let it go.
It's not to say that these aren't important things and that they should be ignored. No, they shouldn't be.
But what it does mean is that you don't need to make everything out to be as big of a deal as the main things! Sometimes its better to just let things be. Keep the focus on the main thing: your relationships - and let the rest go.
If you really want to have a great family, then start with these 3 things. You have to have alignment on what matters most (not just in words alone but you and your wife must truly believe them), you have to create guardrails that protect you and your loved ones from danger and catastrophic failures, and you have to let things go that don't really matter. Do this and you'll be on the path to greatness as a family!
