Healing a wounded heart: the ONLY way to do it
"We must reverse Adam's choice; we must choose God over Eve. We must take our ache to him.
For only in God will we find the healing of our wound." - Wild at Heart
When life - or the devil - wounds a man's heart, what is the intent behind it? What is the ultimate endgame?
Brennan Manning, in his book, Ragamuffin Gospel, says that man was created for union with God. This is why we were created. It's why we exist.
If he's right, then the wounds that we receive are an attempt to keep us from that union. They are arrows aimed at our heart that are meant to keep us away from the life that we've been created to live.
So when the heart is wounded and when we realize that we're not right and we're not right with God, we begin to feel deep shame, guilt, and embarrassment.
John Eldredge says, in his book Wild at Heart, that - "Guys are unanimously embarrassed by their emptiness and woundedness; it is for most of us a tremendous source of shame...but it need not be."
Why do we not need to feel so ashamed by our brokenness? Because God WANTS our dependence on him! Jesus said this in John 15:5, "Apart from me you can only do a few things. You'll fine on your own for much of your life. But you should turn to me when it gets too much to handle on your own."
Hopefully you recognize that that is not at all what Jesus said! What he really said was, "Apart from me you can do NOTHING!"
Why This Matters More Than You May Think
You see, this conversation is so critical for a man to hear again and again because a man hates to be dependent. On God or anyone else!
He desperately wants to show that he's a man by not needing anyone else. He wants to prove to himself and everyone else that he can do it - that he's strong enough - that he doesn't need for anything.
So when the devil wounds a man he feels deep shame that he's not able to do this. Thus, he wonders if he actually is man enough....if he actually is really a man at all? After all, wouldn't a real man be able to go through this life without any wounds or without needing others?
But this is the lie that we're addressing today. This is where the truth can truly set you free.
The devil is a liar and we have to keep that front and center. He is the father of lies and lying is a part of his nature. But when you hear his whispers in your mind, it often sounds like YOUR voice. So you hear the thoughts and internalize them as your own. He says things to you like:
"Don't let anyone see you hurting!"
"Suck it up. A real man wouldn't ask for help."
"Stop depending on other people (or God). You've got this!"
"Real men don't show weakness."
Do you see the trouble with this? Jesus never demonstrates this type of attitude as a man. Listen, instead, to his words as it relates this conversation:
"The Son can do nothing on his own...only what he sees the Father doing." - John 5:19
"I live because of the living Father in me..." - John 6:57
"The Father who lives in me does his work through me." - John 14:10
Hopefully you see the difference between the whispers of the Liar and the words of the Savior. The lie is that you're strong enough as a man to do it on your own. That you are independent. That your wounds and fears and struggles can be overcome by force, willpower, or grit.
But that's not true at all.
It's Ok!
For far too long, Christian men have bought into the lie that they must come to the Father to get forgiven and then their remaining time on earth is about trying to fix himself from that point forward. Thus, when he embraces this idea and then fails time and time again, the shame kicks in and he beats himself up for not measuring up to the man he thought God meant for him to be: independent, rugged, alone.
There is so much freedom for us today if we catch on to what God really thinks and is saying to us. In essence, Jesus shows us the truth about ourselves.
We're weak.
We're broken.
We're not able to do what we want to do on our own.
But here's what you may need to hear today: it's okay! It's o.k.!
You were created and made for union with God. You were never made to try to take on life in your own strength. None of us were made to do that! We were made to live like Jesus who said that he, too, couldn't do ANYTHING without the Father. And the same is true for us.
"Apart from me you can do nothing."
So what does God think when he see us as needy, dependent men?
Well, let's start first with how the devil makes you feel. In a word: shamed.
How dare you be needy? You weak, pathetic, loser!
But that's not how God feels. Instead, the Father feels compassion.
Imagine that you're a father and that you have a young son. How would you feel if your little boy got hurt and then came to you in his brokenness? Would you shame him for needing you? Would you look down on him and think less of him?
No! Absolutely not! Instead, you'd say, "Son, it's ok! It's ok! I've got you! I never expected you to be able to do this all by yourself. In fact, I don't want you to - ever! Let's do it together. Let me help you."
Men hate to see themselves as the little boy but they love to see themselves as the father. But I think God is trying to recover your heart by seeing that you and I really are the little boy and knowing deep down that he looks at us like he really is - the capable, loving, good Father.
God's purpose for you wasn't to forgive you and save you and restore you so that you wouldn't need him any longer. That's never been the idea! But the devil has done a good job at making us think it is. So when we see how wounded and broken we are we get afraid.
Afraid of not meeting expectations.
Afraid of being exposed as less than what we thought we should be.
Afraid of being seen as weak.
Fear plays such a huge role in many of our lives and it has stolen so much of the joy that God meant for us to have. But as Christian artist, Zach Williams, says in his song...."Fear is a liar".
So let's turn our back on the Liar and turn back, then, to the Father.
"You must ask God what he thinks of you, and you must stay with the question until you have an answer. The battle will get fierce here. This is the last thing the Evil One wants you to know. He will play the ventriloquist; he'll whisper to you as if he were the voice of God." - Wild at Heart
So what DOES God think of you? What does he say?
You are forgiven.
Your heart is new. It is good.
You are free.
You are enough in Christ.
You are safe.
So fear not, my friend. Your wounds do not define you! Your brokenness is ok. It's really ok! Don't run from God in shame and doubt. You were made for union with him and he loves you as his little boy. You're safe with him. He's so glad you're with him and he's so happy when you let him be your father, your friend, and your strength.
Do you want to be a better, happier, healthier man? The only way to find healing and joy like this is found in Jesus.
Click here to listen to more of this conversation in Podcast Episode #12.
